They say to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France
And Jackie's seen in a Discoteque doin' a brand new dance
And the White House social season should be glitterin' in gay

But here in Topeka the rain is a fallin'
The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin'
One of 'em a toddlin' and one is a crawlin'
And one's on the way

I'm glad Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact
And Debbie's out in Vegas workin' up a brand new act
While the t.v.'s showin' newly weds, a real fun game to play

But here in Topeka, the screen door's a bangin'
The coffee's boilin' over and the wash needs a hangin'
One wants a cookie and one wants a changin'
And one's on the way

Now what was I doin'? Jimmy get away from there
Darn, there goes the phone

Hello honey, what's that you say?
You're bringin' a few old army buddies home?
You're callin' from a bar?
Get away from there! No, not you honey
I was talkin' to the baby
Wait a minute, honey, the door bell
Honey, could you stop at the market and...hello?, hello?
Well, I'll be...

The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib
And better homes and garden shows, the modern way to live
And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile, today

Here in Topeka, the flies are a buzzin'
The dog is a barkin' and the floor needs a scrubbin'
One needs a spankin' and one needs a huggin'
Lord, one's on the way

Oh gee, I hope it ain't twins, again!